Eating Myself Out

I am not a traditional eater. I am omnivorous and experimental. Home style hearty well portioned dishes intrigue me but so do the skimpy palate teasing fufu tapas. The community of a meal is heartwarming and soul satisfying but I’m finding that so is going out to eat alone and having a nice meal to myself without having to pay for, educate, entertain, or uplift anyone else. I recently took myself on a date to Benvenuto’s, which was one of my favorite restaurants as a kid. I hit up Takara Sushi Station too because I wanted to try the conveyer belt. Let’s talk about what Beef likes to eat!

I eat 4-legged mammals, 2-legged birds, and I would munch on seafood all day every day if it was affordable. Beef is the name, and I do like meat from that particular bovine creature, but no my taste for red meat was and is not inspiration for my name. Steak is good and so are burgers but some of the other delicious creatures I’ve tasted include goat, sheep, pig, rabbit, duck, pheasant, turkey, chicken, deer, bison, and many types of fish and shellfish.

My fridge and freezer have always been fully stocked with fruits and vegetables when I’ve had the money. I’m very into the big salads like Elaine Benes from Seinfeld. Spring mix, spinach, some iceberg to change it up. My eyes get big when I have a lot of ingredients to work with. Add a little bit of everything. Now, if it’s a salad bar, and they have all that processed, dried, and pickled crap, I don’t really do all that, but everything else. I’m also into making extensive vegetable platters for myself.

I was a weirdo for wanting the Fruit ‘N Yogurt Parfaits from McDonald’s as a side when those dropped in 2000. The classic American sexually confused physically disgusting bully demographic did what their people do but I kept eating them. Now I make the best most scrumptious fruit parfaits in the land and I am still not afraid of you bully fags. So now when a sexually insecure manchild aggressively or passive aggressively asks how my parfait is, I tell em like Schmidt from New Girl, “Oh, the parfait? It’s a parfait.”

I am a master of picking out produce at the grocery store. Ya I’m that guy that rips out 10 of those little baggies from the baggie roller at the jump because I know I’ll need em. I might need more too. Like half my cart is fruits and vegetables. Sale signs are my guides as I go around my favorite section of colorful deliciousness. I love experimenting with tasty treats from foreign places too – get a few of those to try type. None of that fruit hybridization GMO shit if I can help it, though. Yea that’s sort of funny or mad scientisty that you smashed two species together but there’s no way I’m eating that Frankenstein monster produce.

Everything I buy would be organic — no artificial additives, preservatives, pesticides, fertilizers — and locally produced, the employees would be paid fair trade wages and profit sharing, and the grazing fields would be open for animals to walk, play, hump, and sleep in all day when they’re not producing, if it was financially viable and pragmatic. Wisconsin has a strong history of family farming and I have always been a strong supporter of family farms and worker ownership of means of production. I have never supported colonialist and monopolistic corporate factory farming, encomiendas, Monsanto’s, or United Fruit Company’s.

Lots of snacking. I love the fresh crunch of raw fruits and vegetables without any interference from sauces, dips, caramels, hummus, or what not. The dips are fine occasionally but I don’t really need any dip if the green stuff has got the good green power down to the core. Keep a bag of nuts on me too. Again, if they were more affordable, it would be an all day thing. Love me some pistachios, cashews, macadamias, and of course the classic peanut. Any sunflower seed fans out there? Keep me a bag a seeds too. Sunflower and pumpkin seeds, and pine nuts.

I like to cook up some rice, sauté some veggies, and throw some grilled meat on top. That’s my go to. Or make some ramen loaded up with veggies. Stir fry. I do make make potato and onion type meals occasionally. I’ll need to make up a mash, caramelized onions, or some oven fries. Maybe some chili or gumbo. I don’t really bake much aside from what I consider instant meals like pizza, chimis, and egg rolls. Actually, between that and the thought of baked dessert goods, I’m just now realizing that I may have developed a sort of avoidance to baking. Like I see it as physically unhealthy and also mentally unhealthy place.

When it comes to Benvenuto’s and Italian food, I typically get a random noodle dish of some kind, but this go round I opted for the cannelloni. I ordered stuffed mushrooms as an appetizer and those were large and filling. I appreciate that. The bread is always fire there and it was as fluffy as ever. I won’t be getting the colossus cannelloni again but I know the inherent risk when I pick obscure items off menus and ask no questions. It’s a story. And like the shrooms, the cannelloni log was a rib sticker.

My favorite roll from Takara was the smoked salmon. All was fresh, crisp, clean, and delicious though. It was a different kind of stuffed with the Japanese option. I felt happy and fulfilled afterwards without the lethargy of typical large American meals like Thanksgiving. I was trying to stack up my plates like Takeru Kobayashi and see how high I could do the Tower of Pisa but the server was too good and swiftly slid them into her tub before I could get a good stack going.

In other news, Madison has recently hosted some protests about the Israel-Hamas war. Some protestors are from pro-Palestinian groups who are supporting Palestine largely for two reasons. Some march in support of the terroristic attacks from the Gaza-based Hamas organization and all that is Palestine over Israel. Others speak out on the longstanding destitute representation and conditions for Palestinians and Muslims in the area – and thus America and the world.

Then there are those who are pro-Israel. Some claim to be in opposition of terrorist attacks alone, though the pro-Israel demographic is for the most part composed of those who stand with the historically enslaving Jewish ethnoreligious state and its walled off western aristocrat supported bigot society. Some groups are pushing for a cease fire from the imperialism, war crime, and genocide happy America-Israel alliance of fascism. The heavily biased powers that be at UW-Madison, Madison, Wisconsin, and America have made it clear for my entire life that they stand with Israel and Jews, no matter what, regardless of the circumstances, historic privilege, racism, and discrimination, forever. More of the same. Or so it seems.

Let me know what yall think of the foodie type episode. I know that typically foodie content is fake, pretentious, elitist, entitled, culture vulturing, insincere, inconsiderate, privileged, and judgmental in whatever slanted way is determined to hit the most viewers. Typical Madisonians are huge whiners and complainers when it comes to food too. Madison foodies have claimed loudly for years that the city has “more bars per capita” and “more restaurants per capita” than anywhere else in America. Can they back it up? Of course the fakes, frauds, liars, abusers, bigots, blobs, bots, etc will be the first frontline immediate responders to my reaching out, as usual, but I’m hoping to catch some authentic input of value from the rest of you if you’re just trying to eat and grow like me.

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